Am I crazy?

Recently, I’ve been thinking about how the issue of race and racism is so complex. Every possible slight, perceived condescension, and numerous acts of disrespect make you wonder if and how race played a part in the incident. You never know for sure sometimes. But you always have it as a possibility. Then when you try to process it with other people, especially people you think would relate, and the response is of resistance, dismissal, confusion, or indifference, Then you wonder if you’re just plain crazy or on crack. The easy thing to do is not think about it and just act like things are ok. In our society, there are so many rewards for those who just assimilate and just go with the flow. But if you decide to actually think deeper about race and racism, there is definitely ways you don’t feel supported and just feel lost in translation. Even though I feel crazy, which leads to me feeling even more insecure about myself, it’s a still worthwhile effort to wrestle with and act on issues of race and racism, or at least I keep telling myself that.

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One comment

  1. no, you’re not crazy. it’s hard enough to point out racism, especially without hard evidence like a racial epithet or something…and it is extremely difficult to “prove” even though you know, and feel that it is racism. one thing i find very interesting is how people of color agonize over calling something racist or not, and how difficult one’s decision to actually verbalize the realization that it just may be racism and the fear from being dismissed, ignored, attacked in return, instead of being listened to, etc…i don’t know very many people (especially poc) whose first instinct is to call something racist. i find that most people find it difficult verbalize.

    so no i don’t think you’re crazy…and you would think it’s easier pretending it didn’t happen, but…you know it did 😦 but since racism is so hard to point out when it’s not overt, one thing i find useful is to verbalize the pattern of how things happened, and put things into perspective. it’s not always easy, but once you can point out a pattern, or discrepency/indicator that was “off” in your interactions with other people, it helps. it shouldn’t be this hard to prove that something is racist, but i guess that’s why racism is so strong and pervasive.

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