I just found out today that I have tons of money I need to raise for the upcoming year. Even though the amount is staggering and astronomical, it didn’t freak me out at first. I don’t know if I was desensitized to it all. I guess I usually don’t get too high or too low. But as the day has gone on, it’s hit me more.
The last two weeks since I’ve come back from Summit, the two week urban project in Tacoma, and just occupying myself with mostly brainless things. I’ve needed time to rest from the school year. But it was also my way of not having to think about way lay ahead for me for the rest of the summer. I knew that the fundraising numbers were gonna be ugly.
As I enter into this phase of my summer, I see tons of obstacles in our current economic downturn. People are getting laid off and are struggling financially. So I think where are the funds gonna come from? Can I just say that fear and doubts are rolling in my head right now. I admit it – I’m scared!
God has given me this vision for the upcoming year to plant a fellowship at the UW. It’s an exciting time for me. However, the prospects of not being on campus and being limited in what I can do this upcoming year because of issues with finances and fundraising is disconcerting. I have an amazing group of students and alumni ready to plant this new fellowship next year. I have this burden that I feel about not letting them down.
I know God will provide and I feel honored that he would use me to carry out his will at the UW. However, right now, I admit I have negative thoughts running around in my head. I look back at my time in college and doing ministry wasn’t even on my radar screen. In college, I would have imagined that I would have been a lawyer and living comfortably by this time. But God changed my path and I am thankful that he did. I wouldn’t trade all that I have experienced and all the wonderful students I’ve gotten to know for anything.
So as I reflect on what’s to come, please pray for someone as unworthy me. Time to get to work!